I would just like to inform ya'll that this is going to be my last post. I have had time to think about things....life in general...and i realized i def have room to grow. A wise person once told me:

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and changing a soul and you learn that love doesn't mean possession and company doesn't mean security. You begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build your roads today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. You learn that you really can endure that you really are strong and you really do have worth... and you learn.."

I really love this quote...been kinda living by it. Time gives you rough times, but you learn from it. It only makes you a better person and allows for growth. Thats what I am doing right now. College is a time to find out who you are and just....well....grow. Bragging on my xanga how awesome my life is or how messed up some guy has made my life is just something I dont want to do anymore. I guess I have finally realized that I dont need this. In a way, I am getting rid of my security blanket. Its about time. It has been quite amazing though to see how much my writing has changed since I started this page. Ive been through quite a lot and have made many adjustments. There have been plenty of times in my life where i wished time would just stop. Time would stop so i wouldnt have to continue living my day the way it had been going. But time doesnt stop. You have to learn to face ur problems head on with the courage of a lion and have faith that things will be ok in the end. Because in the end, things always work out the way they were supposed to happen. God has ways to surprise us and keep us on our feet. Keep the faith. Learn. Love. Live.

Yea.....I was not a happy camper tonight. We split tonight in our opener games against TLU! TLU! No offense, but they just arent good! We left 11 people on base!!!! 11 People!!! You cant win a ball game by doing that. We played down to their level. It was very frustrating. On the positive side of things, i had a perfect game! :) I went two for two tonight, so i was excited about my hitting and no errors out on the field. Very exciting. So my first collegiate experience was an ok one. I just wish we would have won both of our games. The second game, we just didnt pull through. We played at their level, lost focus, and basically gave up. However, hot marines did come to the game to cheer us on. They were def shirtless and had Trinity Tigers written on them. Im not gonna lie, they were freakin rippped! Sooooo hott! A lil distracting....ok very distracting. I have decided that a goal in my life is to date a marine guy some time in my life...hopefully very soon! :p They look so good in uniforms....mmhmm! But yea, thats about all i got. I have tons of homework and practice all the time. Its a pretty exhausting life, im not gonna lie. Oh yea, and i am engaged to Boerne. He proposed at Bill Millers all romantic and stuff on his birthday and i accepted! LOL! His birthday was a def success! He was so surprised!!! Yay! All the planning and hard work was worth his smile! Anyways, i need to catch some Zs. Goodnight all! Luv ya'll! Lattas!

So hell week is finally over.....thank god!!!! I didnt think i was gonna make it! Bio test sucked and so did sociology, but its ok. Its over and thats all that matters. We were supposed to have a double header at Howard Payne today, but they got cancelled due to weather conditions. :( So todays been kinda just a chillaxin day. Went to lunch with amy and Boerne....sooo good. I went to the bank w/ Boerne cuz he taught me how to cash a check...im all growed up now! :P LOL! Turned in my bio lab and downloaded songs with Boerne for his party on saturday, which i am soooo excited about! Limos, food, parties......its gonna be a blast!!!! Tonight should be a fun night. I think we are either going to go ice skating or the AED house. Saturday is Boerne's b-day and sunday is my double header at TLU. Thats about all thats going on. Drews going to Corpus this weekend. I wish i could go. Its always a blast with that kid...i guess i miss that. Oh yea....and valentines wasnt as bad as i thought it was going to be. Im not gonna lie, i did think about him. But, i wasnt as depressed as i thought i was gonna be. Plus, brandyn got me a rose and chocolate covered strawberries...so i was very happy about that! :) Thats all...my life is pretty easy going right now. Very enjoyable. Lattas! Luv ya'll!

Ok, so im gonna tell ya about the past few couple of crappy days....Superbowl Sunday sucked! You would think that i would be pumped about it, but i def wasnt. Saturday night i had a recruit, so i took her to breakfast at 10 and therefore had to talk to coach for forever after breakfast. After breakfast, tried to get some work done b4 i had to be back at Mabee at 12 for lunch with another recruit. Of course, when coach says 12, he means at least 12:30...ugh! So coach and the recruit finally show up at about 12:45 and i am a tad bit pissed b/c thats 45 min of study time i lost. Talk to the recruit for awhile and try to leave to do work b4 the softball Superbowl party, but coach asks me to show the recruit my dorm room. So of course i do that and am stuck talking to coach and this girl longer. Sooo much talking!!! Ugh! Anyways, after the whole recruit stuff, i get back to my room and attempt to draw my sheep heart for lab. I was definitely stressing about all the work I had to get done, so I definitely stress ate....not good! But Amy and Boerne came and we did some campaiging for her ASR election, which turned out to be a lot of fun. We hung posters and gave out flyers and "riesens" to vote for Amy. I found that if ya flirt w/ a guy, it is very easy to both be hit on and get a vote....lol. So with all the campaigning, i didnt have time to go to the softball party so i felt bad for that. Drews party started at 3 and we didnt get done campaigning til a lil after 6. So i hurriedly got ready to go to Drews party cuz i figured i should go to one of the parties i was invited to for at least a lil bit. I was so freakin nervous, and i dont even know why. I was shaking and had to keep reassuring myself that i was gonna be "ok." All amy did was keep laughing...lol. So I get to Drews and we only stay for an hour. I thought i did horrible, but Amy said i did awesome. She said i acted like i was very comfortable and def over Drew. I was very happy with this, cuz inside thats not the case. I am trying to debate whether seeing him was such a good idea. He looked so good too damn it...kinda pissed me off that he looked so good and i had to sit and talk to him knowing i couldnt have him. Doesnt piss me off actually...it hurts me more than anything. But it was so good talking to him. With school and everything, i just dont have time to talk to anybody and if i have any spare time, id rather talk with my TU friends since they are always here for me. So talking to Drew was really comfortable. Beeing able to just stare in his eyes and listen to his voice.....its wierd....it hurt but felt so good at the same time. I really missed our conversations but i was glad to be having the one we did. I dont really know how to explain it. But Drew acted very cool the whole time I was there. It is very obvious that this whole thing is only hard on me still. He is def over everything, which is understandable. Hes a guy and doesnt invest as much emotional attachment. I cared more....that was one of the problems of the relationship. But Drew looked and acted good and im very happy for him. Im glad things have come together for him while my world is still a bit torn up, but its ok....So Amy and I leave after about an hour. We had so much work that still needed to be done. So i give my goodbye hugs. Well i get the stairs and am about to walkaway when Shareef stops me b/c i didnt give him a hug goodbye. So he jumps off the balcony to hug me goodbye....right in front Drew. This was really an eye opener event. Drew could have cared less. One of your friends is jumping off of your balcony to give ur ex-girlfriend a goodbye hug. I would want him to be a lil pissed off showing that he misses me and wants himself to be the one jumping off the balcony. Of course i never get what i want in situations like these. So Drew didnt care and i just left. Oh I do have to tell ya about Drews goodbye hug. So he gave me a hug goodbye, which you think would make me happy. But its the fact that when he gave me a hug, it was really a "Boerne back patting" hug which kinda pissed me off so i gave him a real hug. It wasnt reciprocated, but its ok. Ive accepted it. It happens. Anyways, so after getting in the car, i realize how bad of an idea it was to see Drew. I just wasnt ready. I had told myself that i was, but i wasnt. After getting dinner, we had to make a stop to get milkshakes cuz it was def one of those nights. Came back to Trinity and went to the library with Amy. Def played "What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts and broke down in the freakin library with Amy. Not pretty. It made me realize my true feelings for Drew. I always told myself that I never really cared about Drew. That we were each others security blanket and that it happened just b/c it was confortable. But last night has proven to me, that i was lying to myself. I truly cared about that kid and it hurts to think that he didnt feel the same way. I hate to say it, but i may have even loved him. The key word here is loved. Past tense or at least im trying to make it past tense. So yea....obviously i was not ready to see Drew. It obviously is gonna take me more time than i thought but its ok. I have all the time in the world to get through this.....i know i can....i just need more time. So that was Sunday. Today sucked just as bad. I dont really wanna get into it cuz i have early morning workout and need to pass out or get some studying done. But i dont like Mondays...or Sundays for that matter! :( Thats my mess of an end of a weekend. Lattas! Luv ya'll!